Today we have invited our Hon. Defence Minister Mr. ManoharParrikar for a one on one with our Inebriated Interviewer in KELE PE KACHRA !!!! (Taaliyaan)
II: Welcome Sir, we are so happy to have you here.
MP: I am very happy to be here too. I havent been invited by anyone in the last two days … feels kinda lonely.
II: So lets get to the point. Sir, you as the Defence Minister must be having some innovative ideas for improvement of our Armed Forces.
MP: Ofcourse, I have a Scientific background, coming from IIT and what not.
II: Excellent, so how do you propose we improve the strength of our Army Defences?
MP: Cow Dung !!!
II: Do you mean BullShit?
MP: No No!!! I mean Using Cow Dung Cakes. Cow Dung has proved to withstand even nuclear radiations. We are planning to coat all our Tanks and Aircrafts and Defence Bases with thick layers of Cow Dung making them immune against radiations and any other smaller attacks.
II: Hmm. Sir, is there a need to improve the quality of our Armed Personnel??
MP: Ofcourse. We are designing special training courses for our Armed Forces where they will be taught how to blow Conches (Shankh) and do Yoga. This will keep them Physically and Mentally fit.
II: Sir, what about an attempt to reduce the Losses in the Army?
MP: As per our survey, most of the deaths in the Army are not because of Combat but because of Bad Luck. We have consulted Bejan Daruwala for this. He has given us inputs on which Stone Rings should be worn by which Soldiers. Right now we are busy taking the sizes of our Soldiers Ring Fingers so that they can wear such rings. With the Bad Luck out of the equation, I am sure 90% of such deaths can be avoided.
II: It has also been noticed that there have been gaping holes in the Fences around our border, how do we plan to secure those?
MP: We are rather silly to have fences in the first place. Congress came up with that idea!!! How Stupid !! We will be hanging Nimboo Mirchi combinations at strategic points. That should Soo away the Infiltrators.
II: Sir, it has been noticed that we need more people to join the #Army, how do we plan to increase the Recruitment?
MP: Thats already been taken care of. Every #Woman will be having 4 kids, remember?? Where does one of that kid go to?? The ARMY!!!!!! Where does the second kid go to??? The Reserved Special Segment…. RSS. In another few years we will have the largest and best Ass Kicking Army in the World!!!!
II: Sir, how does any of this have anything to do with your Scientific background or approach??
MP (angrily): I guess you havent been following our Indian Science Congress?? What sort of books have you been reading anyways? Newton?? Einstein?? Idiot !!!! Read Dr. Dinanath Batra’s books and enlighten yourself.
I have to go now. Its time for our Weekly Defence meeting with Baba Ramdev, Sri Sri Ravishankar, Sakshi Maharaj and Ajit Doval.
Disclaimer: Since the transcript of this Interview was reported to us after six shots of Tharra, we definitely wont be able to vouch for its authenticity. This is not meant to offend any Scientists, Baba’s, Sadhu’s, Yogis or Cows.