The Valentine’s Week has started.

There is a regular confusion on which day is about what and I thought I would write something to give some clarity on this.

07th Feb – Rose Day: On this Day the guys would tend to buy specially over priced Roses for girls who have been giving them silly smiles or looks.

08th Feb – Propose Day: This is the day when “Will you Fraanship Me?” is a question which is most often repeated. Guys take this opportunity to propose to Random Girls who are usually way out of their league, but maybe the girl was waving for a Rickshaw and the guy thought she was waving at him and that boosted his morale.

09th Feb – Chocolate Day: Since Florists mint money on the first day, there is no reason why Cadbury should stay behind. Chocolates exchange hand on this day. Sometimes I suspect that the Girls give those Chocolates to the Guys which they have received from other guys, because they dont want to eat them. “Jyada Khaungi to Moti ho Jaungi”

10th Feb – Teddy Day: Hallmark has upgraded their avenues to make money. Where previously you could get away with a “I love you” Card worth Rs. 50, now you have to shell out Rs. 200 – Rs. 1000 atleast for a Teddy Bear, depending on How Deep Is Your Pocket, How Hot the Girl is and How Desperate you Are for a Valentine Date.

11th Feb – Promise Day: Promise her the Moon, the Stars, or anything that might come to your mind, Guys. Promises are not meant to be kept, in any case. And you can always say later on that this was but a “Jhumla”. The idea is to mellow the Girl down before you try to get into her pants.

12th Feb – Hug Day: Here is where the payback starts. If the Roses and the Teddys get you a hug, you can be pretty certain that you have a good Weekend to look forward to. Unless its a “Friendzone” hug which basically means you will be dropping the Girl on your Bike to the Party and sulking in the corner as she dances with someone else.

13th Feb – Kiss Day: If you did get the Hug, you are almost sure to get the Kiss. This is also the day when most of the Guys start drinking and bitching about the Girl of their Dreams who did not give them Bhaav despite taking all the Gifts. Most Girls transform from “Bhai, Wo Meri Jaan Hain” to “That F$%^ing Slut”, on this day.

14th Feb – Valentine’s Day: The Lucky Ones have a Girlfriend now but you cant take her to party. Its Mahavir Jayanti and its a Dry Day. Its a Sunday so your Dad and Mom are at home. If you take her to a Lodge the Mumbai Police will come and Parade you in the front of the Media. And if you just want to hang out with her some or the other Sena will kick your ass and throw Water all over your “Best Laid Plans” to get Laid……

15th Feb – Monday: You are Broke. You have spent most of your money on useless gifts on girls who are now no longer interested in you. Those who managed to get the Girls still couldn’t manage to use that Condom you kept in your wallet for three months in anticipation. And its still the month and you are basically trying to figure out how to get through the rest of the Month and the Condom has probably expired too.

This is right about the time when you curse yourself and think that you should have listened to Prime Minister Narendra Modi and celebrated “Matru Pitru Poojan Diwas”, instead.

Its cheaper and you would have definitely got some money from your Happy Dad and great food from your Loving Mom.