Why Pahalaj Nihalani is Absolutely Right in banning “Lipstick Under My Burkha”…..

I wonder why people are outraging so much over the CBFC ban on “Lipstick Under My Burkha”.
 
This is perhaps the first time that I COMPLETELY AGREE with Pahlaj Nihalani and his views on this ban.
 
Infact the CBFC has given the reason in such a succinct manner that they are almost irrefutable.
 
“The story is lady oriented, their fantasy above life. There are contanious sexual scenes, abusive words, audio pornography and a bit sensitive touch about one particular section of society, hence film refused under guidelines…”
 
Could the reasons for refusal to grant a certificate clearance to Alankrita Shrivastava’s award winning movie be any more clearer?
 
Sure, the movie won the “Best Film on Gender Equality” Oxfam Award, but what do they know? And Oxfam is not Oscars, neither is it Filmfare or the Pan Bahar Vodafone sponsored by Reliance Jio and Manikchand Star Cine Awards, either.
 
I know some of you people would be laughing at the English used in the CBFC declaration, but remember that English is not our first language and the CBFC Members do not have an “Entire” degree in anything.
 
Clearly when a movie is made it should be not be a lady oriented movie. If at all the Women in the movie should be the most … ummmm…. un-lady like, if that is possible.
 
And how can the fantasies of these “Ladies” be portrayed in the movie? Women are not supposed to have sexual fantasies in the first place. Infact the only fantasy a woman should have is about her in the kitchen making Rotis with her Saree slipping across her waist and that deep navel being exposed, and as erotic as that sounds, its still not supposed to be a fantasy for women.
 
What women in movies should actually be doing is creating fantasies for the Men. They should be gyrating like Urvashi Rautela, to a “Saara Zamaana” remix covering all the 1001 sexual positions written down in Kama Sutra giving the Men watching the song ample material for their solo time in the bathroom.
 
And the “contanious” sexual scenes are a strict no. Here, I am guessing that the CBFC means “Continuous” and not “Contagious” because frankly if Sex was contagious we would be in serious trouble.
 

So how exactly can a movie have continuous sexual scenes? Okay, I know a movie like “Befikre” with its continuous kissing scenes, implied sex and suggestions to multiple partners was passed by the CBFC without any cuts, but then that movie was based in Paris. So its not Indian Culture … its that bloody Paris culture and we are pretty clear about that.

 
Also the abusive words are a strict NO NO in the movies. Abusive words belong to Campaign speeches and Parliament, they dont belong in the movie halls. I mean, who pays to hear abuses when you can hear them for free, right?
 
And the “Audio Pornography” !!! How can the Director even think of having Audio Pornography in her movie!! If I wanted to hear a lot of “Ooohs, Aaahs and Ouchss” I would listen to the Iodex Advertisement. And if I want to listen to obscene words, I would simply pick up one of the older movies of Pahlaj Nihalani like “Andaaz” and listen to the songs like
“Ye maal gaadi tu dhakka laga
Ye maal gaadi tu dhakka laga
Dhakka laga re dhakka laga
Garam ho gaya engine Iska dhakka deta jha”
 
That finally leaves us with the “bit sensitive touch about one particular section of society” and I do agree that no section of the society needs any sensitive touches.
 
Infact, even the title of the movie “Lipstick Under My Burkha” is something which should be rejected outright.
 
I mean, do you even know what a good lipstick costs?? The last I checked a Mac Lipstick costs almost Rs. 2000 !!! So the women want to buy an expensive lipstick like that and then wear it under a Burkha??
 
A Title that eggs on women to indulge in such a criminal waste of their husband’s money should have no place in our society. Yes. Husbands money because women shouldnt be working anyways, remember the Roti scene I described above?
 

So, yes, the ban on the movie is perfectly justified and if Alankrita Shrivastava is calling this an assault on Women’s Rights, she should understand that this has nothing to do with Women’s Rights or Lefts. She should have just made a movie like Great Grand Masti or Mastizaade which shows the Women in the correct spirit, it would have been passed by Pahlaj Nihalani in a jiffy, without any cuts.

 
Disclaimer: All people who want to know how a REAL movie is made should watch classics like Pahlaj Nihalani’s “Aankhen” and take tips from “Angana Mein Baba Duvare Pe Maa” song on how to depict women correctly in a Bollywood Movie.

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