Since the time Suresh Prabhu has given his resignation as the Railway Minister, there has been in a tremendous uproar at all the Railway Stations all around India.
Rumours are also afloat about the next best replacement for Prabhu for this job.
My drunk sources tried their best to collect as much information as they could through a deep investigative journalism, which they excel at.
They got in touch with a few passengers to get a feedback on the Public Opinion about this new development.
“Prabhu Ji has resigned and that is a very good thing”, said Umaji, a daily laborer living in the post locality near an obscure local station.
“We were put into great distress by the Trains going off the track all the time. Every morning when we used to sit near the Railway tracks to do our morning duties, we were never sure which train would come and ram us off and we wouldnt even have time to wash our butt. Do you even realise what an embarrassing position that would be to go to the hospital in? Ek haath mein lota aur dusre haath mein jaan leke baithna padta tha”, he wept.
Bhikuji, a farmer from UP and a proud owner of Do bheega Jameen (the DVD version, his field was smaller), was found sitting in the corner crying.
“Sahib, I was very depressed. I wanted to commit suicide. But I didnt have money to buy a rope or rat poison. So I decided to take the cheapest mode of suicide. Coming under the Train. So, I went to the train track and stood on it watching the train coming at me. And the bloody train jumped off the track and ran off in the fields !! Ab batao, agar train ke neeche aake bhi nahi marr sakte to hum jaayenge kaha?”, he lamented.
My Drunk Sources also tried to investigate the rumours about who would be the next replacement of Prabhu.
They found an application made by Smriti Irani for this post which says “First give me one chance and then see how I perform. If even one accident happens in my tenure, I will cut off my head and lay it in your feet.” However, since Mayawati has already called dibs on Smriti Irani’s head, my Drunk Sources speculate that her application will be rejected.
There are also speculations that Sambit Patra might be considered for this responsible post, but the Railway staff is worried that Sambit Patra might suspend all the trains and then sit on Republic TV and shout “Dhadak Dhadhak…Dhadak Dhadak….Dhadak Dhadak” for one full hour just to give people an impression that the trains are in operation.
My Drunk sources finally managed to zero in on Nitin Gadkari, who was sitting smugly besides a newly constructed National Highway play model trying to add a train track in the middle of a high rise building. His confidence gave them a feeling that he might be the right man for the job, as atleast he will build new tracks at the rate of 20 kms… no no…. 70 kms per day which was never done in the past 70 years.
While returning back to our one room makeshift office in one of the Swach Bharat Abhiyaan toilets, my Drunk sources happened to pass the office of Shri Vijay Goel and came across two BJP workers standing outside it.
“Prabhu should have never resigned, BJP Ministers never resign”, said Babu Atrangi, one of the workers, while waving a plastic trishul under the nose of my sources, in a rather threatening manner. “Jo darr gaya samjho wo marr gaya. If anyone should resign anywhere in this world, its Arvind Kejriwal who should resign”
My Drunk Souces beat a hasty retreat from there as the tip of the trishul fell off due to the excessive waving and was quickly eaten up by a stray cow who was standing close by….
Disclaimer: All the information in this News Report is strictly based on the inputs from my Drunk Sources and is only as realiable as any other reports they have got in before. This News Report has been brought to you live from the Deen Dayal Updhyay Railway Junction by my Drunk Sources after having 3 quarters of old monk rum along with Chicken Deen Dayal Upadhyay.