As soon as our drunk reporters heard the news that Modi has written a book for school children called, “Exam Warriors”, they sprung into action and decided to find out more details about this great book.
Being investigative reporters that they are, they had to first investigate and find out how to get out of the bar that they had got sloshed in. But, thats another story.
Even after a furtive search they could not lay their hands on the actual copy of the book, probably because they have all been sold out. But, they did manage to get their hands on a crumpled piece of paper of what appears to be a page from the initial draft of the book.
It was found in a dustbin next to a Pakoda stall outside 7 LOL Kalyan Marg, Delhi.
There were a few stains of what appeared to be pakoda extracts, and we have sent it for forensic analysis to figure out if the oil used came from Patanjali or some other Anti-National company, yet the page was largely readable.
We present it to you here….. as it was found:
“My Dear Exam Warriors,
I call you warriors because Exams are a war and warriors have to fight. You are the Arjunas to the Duryodhanas that are exams, I am the Krishna. You are the Vanar Sena to the Ravanas that are exams. I am the Raama. You are the Siachen mein Jawans to the Terrorists that are Exams. I am the Doval…. okay I am not Doval, I am Modi, Doval is my friend. Sorry carry gayo chu. But you get the point.
I know you get scared of exams. But you shouldnt. I will give you some tips on how to give Exams and not be worried about it.
1. If you dont know it, make it up. Write anything in the papers, it doesnt matter. If your handwriting is good, the teacher will like it. Especially if she has voted for me, then she will definitely bother more about how you present your answer, than the actual crux of it.
2. Use acrynoyms. Acronyms are good. Acronyms make sure the focus shifts from the actual context to the acronym. And make the acronym as silly as possible. Like WET is for “Winter Exam Test”, MFH is for “Main Fail Hogaya”, so on and so forth.
3. Whenever you are writing something like, “I Want” or “I Do” or “I Eat” always use a small “i”. Write “iPromise” instead of “I promise”. Then spend two pages writing about why you have written a small “i”. That ways people will forget what it is that you are promising and will only talk about the small “i”, forgetting the promise altogether. Trust me about this. iAmRight.
4. Never appear for a VIVA (oral exam) without having “set” the examiner. If you havent set the examiner then you can always make excuses as how busy you are, or go on a foreign trip. But if you cant avoid a VIVA read the next tips.
5. If you dont understand the question, evade it. If the question is difficult or you have no answer for it, start talking about how the last 60 years all students were bad and that no one from your school ever topped the board. If someone has topped the board, you can always say he takes bath with a raincoat and confuse the one asking the questions.
6. If you are not allowed to evade the question, avoid answering them completely. Some of the most difficult questions can be avoided simply by taking a sip of water and saying “Buss Dosti Bani Rahe”.
And finally remember, do not worry about anything.
Exams are not important and neither are degrees. If you dont get a degree one can always be provided to you from YALE (Yashodhabai Academy of Lallantop Education) in a matter of six weeks. Sorry, but “Entire Political Science” degrees are restricted to only those who can successfully sell the dreams of Ache Din.
In any case, Degrees are not going to help you in the long run. You can do much better buy selling Tea at yet to be made railway stations or put up a Pakoda stall outside Zee News office in Noida and if you play your cards right, you might become the Prime Minister one day, or atleast a TV news anchor with Sudhir Chaudhari Bhai’s channel.
Hardwork is more important than Harvard.
So, my dear children, take inspiration from donkeys and work hard in the direction they whip you in. That ways you can end up working 25 hours in a day and 8 days in a week and stay awake all night without drinking a drop of water. That is more important than any other stupid thing in the world, like becoming the CEO of Google or something.
Unfortunately the rest of the page was torn off, but we can assure you that our drunk reporters are on the job and we will provide you more inputs as soon as we have them.
Disclaimer: Since this page was found crumpled and in a dustbin, we feel that it was a discarded draft and perhaps did not make it into the final copy of the book. But we do hope that everyone gets to buy the “Exam Warrior” book and that all your children grow up to be like Modi Ji….This applies only to those who idolize Modi Ji, not to those Anti-National Secular Liberals !!!!