Government Reacts to Maharashtra Farmer’s Protests……

Somewhere in the hallowed halls of Mumbai Mantralaya……
An aide runs through the doors of the large cool office, not bothering to knock, in his hurry, as protocol would have demanded.
Aide: Saheb Saheb…. we are in trouble
Saheb: Aaaaaa….Aaaaaaa…..
Aide: Saheb, stop singing for a moment and listen to me.
Saheb (angrily): What is it? You better have a good reason to interrupt my riyaaz.
Aide: Saheb, have you even looked out of your window?
Saheb: I always look out of my window at the beautiful sky, it feels so cool looking at it.
Aide: Saheb, you feel cool because your AC is on 18 deg. And dont look up, look down.
Saheb: I always look up. Aim for the sky, they say.
Aide: Well, if you look down you will see that the streets are filled with people protesting.
Saheb: Eh?? Protesting? Who is protesting? Why are they protesting? Someone made some new movie?? Ban it… simple !!!
Aide: No, its the farmers who are protesting.
Saheb: Protesting? Farmers? Why? Dont they have enough rope or poison to commit suicide in their own villages? What brings them to Mumbai?
Aide: Not sure, Saheb. But its the farmers who are down there.
Saheb: Are they breaking anything as yet? Burning stuff up?
Aide: No No. The protest is perfectly peaceful.
Saheb: Abbey then why are you bothering me? Let them break some things and then we will see what is to be done.
Aide: But they dont plan to break anything. They are just stating their demands.
Saheb: Yes, yes the same old demands. Loan waiver, land acquisition should not be done, adequate compensation should be given for their produce. What’s new?
Aide: This time even the regular Mumbaikar is supporting them.
Saheb: Damn these Mumbaikars, they dont have any kaam dhanda, shouldnt they be in their offices. Why are the regular people supporting them?
Aide: Again, I dont know. No one has spoken to the farmers as yet. Would you like to speak to them?
Saheb: Huh? Why me? Get someone else to speak to them. Accha ask Poonam Di to speak to them
Aide: Poonam Di has already called them “Urban Maoists” so that wouldnt be such a good idea.
Saheb: Oh Damn….. she must have run out of Chikki. Whenever she is low on sugar she gets cranky. Send her a fresh batch of Chikki will you?
Aide: Fine Saheb, but what do we do about the Farmers?
Saheb: I know. Lets make a Kisan App for them 🙂
Aide: No can do, Saheb. Bada Saheb Ji has already made such an App.
Saheb: Okay, then lets launch a Kissan TV Channel for them?
Aide: Nah, Bada Saheb Ji has done that too.
Saheb: Okay, then lets collect some Tax in the name of the farmers?
Aide: No No No !!! Even that has been done by Bada Saheb
Saheb: Okay, then how about we give out full page newspaper advertisements about how the Farmers are the backbone of the Country? Farmers with their tractors in the center, my face on the right and Bada Saheb’s face on the left?
Aide: Sir, thats been done too.
Saheb: Let me guess, by Bada Saheb again? He does like having his face in advertisements, more than I do.
Aide: So, any fresh ideas Saheb?
Saheb: Yes. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Call up Amu. Tell her we have to make a new song video about farmers. Get in Amit Bhai…. No, No… not our Gujrat wala Bhai, our Bolly wala Bhai. He will sing and act in it too. Lets make a bang up job of the video and release it within a week. Call it “Kisan ka Dil Mere Pass, Mera Bill Kisan Ke Paas”….. or is it the other way round? Nevermind, someone will work that out.
Aide: Okay, I will do that Saheb. Do you want to go out and meet the farmers?
Saheb: Not right now. Its too hot outside. Maybe later in the evening when the sun subsides? You know how I hate sweating in my crisp white clothes na?
Aide: Okay Saheb.
Saheb: Aaaaaaaaa……..AAaaaaaaaaa….. practising for the video…. close the door behind you……Aaaaaaaaaaaa……. AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and bears no resemblance to any incident or person either living, dead or dead at heart but still alive.

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